As I am writing this post, I have the hardest time being able to articulate exactly which betrayal I should address. You see my life has been a series of these happenings and not for the call of party hats and streamers that scream out "Come join me, let's cry this out together!", but for the mere sense of stating the facts. With all I have been through it seems to me that I had to ask myself what it was that was making this a recurring theme in my life? The answer was one I still have a difficult time trying to balance and keep healthy. I am emotional and with that driving my many decisions, well let's just say, it can lead to some dark roads.
So after that admission, I can go into the spectacles of my life's journey and see where I was missing the whole picture. When a person is driven by their emotions, now whether these be good or bad, the limitations rise on logic. Imagine the rose colored pictures of a marriage and time when you believed this was the dream meant to be and then only to have it shattered by elements too raw and still emotionally draining to consider here. It happens, people tell me. It is the way the world is nowadays. I get it. We all have a free will and we all get to make of this life what we deem worthy. But, what happens to individuals that have placed a great deal of trust to those pronouncing spiritual discernment, called pastors or teachers of the one book proven to be irrevocably true?
I know, I jumped from the marriage to the faith element here because in all honestly, they were so cohesive in all I did and didn't do.
After my family situation changed, I began a serious search for truth and this can be used loosely because in all honesty, I was looking for something to make me feel valued and special. Better be careful with that type of searching. What's that saying? "Curiosity killed the cat." Yes, a bit melodramatic but let me tell you, it was pretty close to doing just that to my personality and especially, my faith.
I will begin with the first destination on this journey- Chuck Pierce and the End of the Year Beginning of the Year conference 2016. I was seeking to do things right after my personal mishap and happened upon this conference titled- Starting the Year off Right. It was everything I was looking for. How to close the door behind me and open a new door! I had never heard of the Apostolic teaching or even been exposed to it so I was curious. I signed up and made my plans to attend. I was really putting God to the test here about my situation and my life. I was exposed to various teachers that shared information I had never heard of in my church. So, I came back to my small group of leaders and shared, with much zeal, that we had been doing it wrong and these apostolic teachers, well they had it all down. The five fold gifts working in the service at the same time, etc. We needed to see and model after it. I will not camp on this too long because it gets exhaustive when looking at the way we are to test these ministries, but I tell you- emotional hype and moving music took me away. I had one message that really burned inside of my heart. I cannot recall the minister, but he spoke of forgetting who you were in the past and that God had a new name and this was the time for you to live out this new identity and so on. Well, I was taking this message so literally because I had just gone through a name change and of course, now I would be learning to become this "new" person. I would literally need to redefine who I was and I felt this was God speaking straight to me. Made me feel special, loved and like I mattered through all this rejection. You can see this type of wounding lends itself to manipulation and deception.
I began reading and purchasing all I could on this new apostolic move and what it meant. The danger lies in this- reading more of what someone interprets the Word of God to say than reading the actual Word of God. If you find yourself under a teaching that doesn't address the Word in context and strings verses together to build a case for something, I would say to you, "You better go to the source."
So after that admission, I can go into the spectacles of my life's journey and see where I was missing the whole picture. When a person is driven by their emotions, now whether these be good or bad, the limitations rise on logic. Imagine the rose colored pictures of a marriage and time when you believed this was the dream meant to be and then only to have it shattered by elements too raw and still emotionally draining to consider here. It happens, people tell me. It is the way the world is nowadays. I get it. We all have a free will and we all get to make of this life what we deem worthy. But, what happens to individuals that have placed a great deal of trust to those pronouncing spiritual discernment, called pastors or teachers of the one book proven to be irrevocably true?
I know, I jumped from the marriage to the faith element here because in all honestly, they were so cohesive in all I did and didn't do.
After my family situation changed, I began a serious search for truth and this can be used loosely because in all honesty, I was looking for something to make me feel valued and special. Better be careful with that type of searching. What's that saying? "Curiosity killed the cat." Yes, a bit melodramatic but let me tell you, it was pretty close to doing just that to my personality and especially, my faith.
I will begin with the first destination on this journey- Chuck Pierce and the End of the Year Beginning of the Year conference 2016. I was seeking to do things right after my personal mishap and happened upon this conference titled- Starting the Year off Right. It was everything I was looking for. How to close the door behind me and open a new door! I had never heard of the Apostolic teaching or even been exposed to it so I was curious. I signed up and made my plans to attend. I was really putting God to the test here about my situation and my life. I was exposed to various teachers that shared information I had never heard of in my church. So, I came back to my small group of leaders and shared, with much zeal, that we had been doing it wrong and these apostolic teachers, well they had it all down. The five fold gifts working in the service at the same time, etc. We needed to see and model after it. I will not camp on this too long because it gets exhaustive when looking at the way we are to test these ministries, but I tell you- emotional hype and moving music took me away. I had one message that really burned inside of my heart. I cannot recall the minister, but he spoke of forgetting who you were in the past and that God had a new name and this was the time for you to live out this new identity and so on. Well, I was taking this message so literally because I had just gone through a name change and of course, now I would be learning to become this "new" person. I would literally need to redefine who I was and I felt this was God speaking straight to me. Made me feel special, loved and like I mattered through all this rejection. You can see this type of wounding lends itself to manipulation and deception.
I began reading and purchasing all I could on this new apostolic move and what it meant. The danger lies in this- reading more of what someone interprets the Word of God to say than reading the actual Word of God. If you find yourself under a teaching that doesn't address the Word in context and strings verses together to build a case for something, I would say to you, "You better go to the source."
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